united countries of baseball

nike’s partnered with mlb for a neat promo called the “united countries of baseball.”

all you have to do is tell them your name, DOB, zipcode and email address and they’ll tell you whether you belong in the right part of the country according to your sports allegiances, or if you need to be resettled indian removal act style.

no thanks on giving you my email, but i am looking forward to seeing how the borders get redrawn. are there any doubts that the white sox republic gets swallowed up by cubbyland, or that philadelphia’s resistance fighters in the poconos get crushed under the wheels of yankees nation as it manifests its destiny? i say no.

also, florida needs to be redesignated “unincorporated territory.” here be old people and alligators, not baseball fans.

if hillary clinton were a ballclub, she’d be the new york mets

consider:

both were media-anointed frontrunners at the outset of 2007.
both dismissed their adversaries in the season’s earlygoings as deluded upstarts.
both refused to acknowledge the wheels were coming off down the stretch, then both saw their double-digit leads slashed to bits in a matter of weeks.
both have spent millions of dollars they have no business spending this winter in the hopes of reclaiming their frontrunner status.
both have annoying new york fanbases. very, very annoying new york fanbases.

if you ask me as a phillies fan if the johan santana signing worries me, i will honestly and forthrightly tell you no, ten thousand times over. the phillies remind me of someone, someone whose charisma, humility and singularity of vision give me hope for the future.

and last i checked, he was in pretty good shape.

the mets signing santana scares me about as much as hillary loaning herself five million dollars to fight in ohio and texas scares me. we will not be denied this fall. yes we can, philadelphia. yes, we can.